Approaching Herbivores

A handy list of answers for non-vegan's most frequently asked questions.

Imagine this: 

You're at a party, having a great time when the group disperse and you find yourself alone with a complete stranger. There’s that mutual pause and indecision over whether to simply turn and walk away or engage in polite chatter. To add insult to injury, you realize that you are doing the awkward waltz with the only vegan at the party. You have some questions for the vegan but not wanting to start an argument or be offensive you take a bite of your cocktail vienna and hear yourself say “lekker worsies hey”.

Vegans don’t mind answering questions, but often these are simply rhetorical remarks intended to provoke us. Here is a list of the most frequently asked questions vegans have to soldier through at social occasions, which may perhaps help you have a meaningful conversation with us in the future:

Q . Why do you make your meat look like meat if you don’t want to eat it?

A. Why would you play computer games that involve killing people when you could just actually shoot people? Because it would make you a murderer, right? Well, exactly that.

Most vegans don’t stop eating meat because they dislike the taste of it; instead, some of the most common reasons are animal welfare, health, and environmental concerns. Disliking the taste or texture of animal products ranks far lower on the list of popular reasons to avoid animal products. As a result, we often attempt to recreate those textures and flavours we used to enjoy.

Eating imitation meats such as the Beyond Meat and Fry’s ranges can help people transition from experimenting with a plant-based diet to going fully vegan.

Q. Why do you always have to bring up the fact that you are vegan?

A. As with most systems, extremists emerge, who can sometimes hinder rather than benefit animal liberation efforts. Many vegans simply go about their business, but unfortunately, the vocal and obnoxious ones are remembered.

That being said, most vegans are” seeing-one-truck-of-animals-onroute-to-the abattoir” away from becoming vocal and obnoxious. The trouble with going down this vegan rabbit hole is, you start noticing things that you can never unsee.

Assume your neighbour abuses his dog; most decent humans would feel compelled to speak up or break some bones. This is how vegans feel about all animals who suffer, whether it's a puppy or a pig at a feedlot. The longer you stop seeing animals as food, the deeper their suffering resonates with you, and it is sometimes really hard to not get vocal…

Q. How do you get your protein?

A. Quinoa, tofu, black beans, red beans, chickpeas, chia seeds, peanut butter, brown rice, white rice, hummus, kale, mushrooms, spinach, cauliflower, pumpkin seeds, lentils, vegan mince/meat, soya, whole-wheat bread, and oats….to name a few.

Q. Do you know that plants also feel pain?

A. Plants have no brains or central nervous system, but I will spend an hour in a field of strawberries being harvested, while you spend the same amount of time in an abattoir where live animals are “harvested” after which we can resume this conversation.

Q. If God didn’t want us to eat meat, how come it tastes so good?

A. Karl Denke, the infamous Polish cannibal and authority on the subject, claimed that human flesh tasted like pork. So, if this reasoning is valid, should we believe that a solution to global overpopulation has been discovered?

Q. What are you allowed to eat?

A. Pretty much anything that doesn’t poop or sneeze while alive.

Q. Humans have been eating meat since the dawn of time, why stop now?

A. If anyone still wants to look back on what our prehistoric ancestors did to justify their reasons for eating meat today, then shouldn’t they also look at other formerly accepted behaviours? Cannibalism, Rape, Murder, Slavery, Sacrifice. Are these customs something we still want to uphold? Just because an ancient civilisation once believed it, doesn’t imply we have to follow their ways.

We are an ever-evolving species, and to loosely quote Darwin, it is not the strongest of the species that survives but the one that can adapt the most to change.

Given the current global crisis and the significant role that animal agriculture plays in it, now might be a good time to consider change.

And finally,

Q. Do you actually have any friends?

A. Surprising as it may seem, vegans do not only socialise with other vegans.

There is a whole world of enlightened people who welcome vegans into their social circles, partially due to it being pretty trendy nowadays to have at least one vegan friend and partly because (most of us) are great human beings who, just like you, enjoy Piña coladas and long walks on the beach.

Most vegans will gladly accept an invitation to a braai. Just don't be offended if their plant-based delicacies become the meal's pièce de résistance...